Crystal Woodman Miller, author of A Kids Book About School Shootings and A Kids Book About School Shootings for Survivors, continues the conversation about her experience at Columbine, supporting survivors, and working through trauma.
Crystal Woodman Miller, author of A Kids Book About School Shootings and A Kids Book About School Shootings for Survivors, continues the conversation about her experience at Columbine, supporting survivors, and working through trauma.
A Kids Book About School Shootings (view book)
A Kids Book About School Shootings for Survivors (view book)
Full Book Description:
School shootings are a tragic reality. And while they’re not as common as they seem, they are still very real, and so is the fear, anxiety, and trauma that comes with them—even if you’ve never actually experienced one. This book will help grownups and kids better understand school shootings and encourage us to be prepared while reminding us that we should never let the fear of the what ifs take over our lives.
About the Authors:
Crystal Woodman Miller is an author, speaker, Columbine shooting survivor, mental health advocate, and warrior of hope who encourages others in the challenges they face. She’s also the creative director of making magical memories for her three kids and husband and attempts to love others like she has been loved by God.
*If you want to be on a future episode of A Kids Book About: The Podcast or if you have a question you’d like us to consider, have a grownup email us at listen@akidsco.com and we’ll send you the details.
A Kids Book About: The Podcast
S2 EP24, Crystal Talks About Survivors of School Shootings
[EPISODE DISCLAIMER]
Matthew: A quick note: This episode is about a topic that might be sensitive to young listeners. The content is appropriate for listeners ages 5 and up and does not include explicit or graphic language, but it's probably best to listen to this episode with a trusted adult in case you have questions. (Questions are always a good thing to have!)
If you do not feel safe in your school or you suspect that there is a threat to the safety of you and your classmates, please contact your school administrator immediately. Every student has a right to feel safe in their learning environment, and your principal, head of school, or administrator will value your courage in speaking up, as we all play a role in the safety of our school community.
[INTRODUCTION]
Matthew: Last week on A Kids Book About: The Podcast…
Matthew: What is a school shooting?
Avery: A school shooting is obviously an attack, um, from an outsider in a place of learning, usually involving firearms.
Crystal: Well, basically what we are talking about when we are talking about a school shooting is this idea of anyone that has a plan to come into a school, whether that's a elementary school, a junior high high school college, with a plan to hurt or kill others.
So that's really the, the most simple, basic definition.
Matthew: Welcome to A Kids Book About: The Podcast! I’m Matthew. I’m a teacher, a librarian, and I’m your host. The voices you heard just a moment ago were from Avery and Crystal.
Each week we talk about the big things going on in your world with a different author from our A Kids Book About series.
Crystal: Hey everyone. My name is Crystal Woodman Miller and I am a mom of three amazing kids. 11, six, and five. So very, very busy. But one of my favorite things to do for my kids is, um, make magical memories. So I'm constantly creating scenes and doing art projects and crafting, and, and we're always out on adventures. That's one of my favorite things. I'm a wife to an amazing husband, Pete.
And I am also the author of A Kid's Book About School Shootings, as well as A Kid's Book About School Shootings For Survivors.
[TOPIC FOUNDATION]
Matthew: Hi, listeners. Welcome back.
We devoted last week’s episode to a broad overview of school shootings. The goal was to help you and others gain a better understanding of what a school shooting is and how you can prepare should you be in a threatening situation.
On today’s episode we turn our attention to survivors of school shootings and what it looks like to support those who have experienced a school shooting.
You may be a survivor yourself. You may know survivors in your community. But you may not.
This is an episode for everyone and a great opportunity to build empathy toward others who have experienced things different from you.
School shootings affect lots of people beyond the school where the event took place. In fact, I can almost say with certainty that you have been affected in some way by school shootings.
Crystal: To answer your question, who does a school shooting effect and the answer is every single person on planet Earth.
We have all, you know, at some point or another been impacted or affected by seeing these things happen, whether personally or somebody that we know. And, and again, I think because they've, they have begun to happen with more frequency, they, they happen more often, and this, this group of survivors continues to, to grow exponentially, I think many of us can understand and we've been affected.
I think every student, um, who goes to school, it is now mandated that they do a drill, which can either be called a lockdown drill or an active shooter drill. That's gonna look different at pretty much every school, but a lot of times it looks like turning off the lights, shutting the door, locking it, getting into a corner, staying quiet. You know, oftentimes it, it, it kind of follows that pattern.
But what, what is happening when they are practicing these drills, when students are practicing these drills is they are practicing for the event that something like this could, could occur at their school. And I think i, I can understand the, the need for a plan in case of an emergency. I mean, just like we wear a seatbelt in the car in case we get in a car accident, or we wear a bike helmet when we're riding our bikes in case we fall off, it is, it is to keep us safe in the event of an emergency.
However, I believe that just the practice of lockdown drills themselves are creating a lot of anxiety, a lot of fear in students, in teachers and administrators, in adults alike, um, that these even require, you know, that there is even a, a need to practice something like this.
Matthew: Think about what these drills look like at your school. In my district in Maryland, we actually have two drills: lockdown and modified lockdown.
When a lockdown occurs, the school doors are all locked, including the doors to your classroom. No one is allowed in or out of the school building, and no one is allowed to move around the school hallways. If you have windows with blinds, the blinds are closed. The lights are turned off. And the teacher and students move to a secure location within the room or somewhere nearby that protects them from sight. The drill usually lasts around 10 minutes.
In a modified lockdown, no one is allowed in or out of the school building, but instruction can still continue.
Both drills seek to build familiarity between the students and the procedures so that, in the case of a real emergency, staff and students would know how to respond. But just practicing the drill can still bring up some big emotions for both students and staff members.
Have you experienced these drills in your school? Have you noticed that practicing these drills can sometimes leave you feeling a certain way?
Drills disrupt the normal routine, so of course it’s only natural that our bodies would respond to this change in routine, especially if your body feels threatened.
Crystal: I think because we are practicing them and we are, we are practicing for an emergency it creates anxiety and it creates fear.
And so in my book, A Kids Book About School Shootings, my ultimate goal is to, to give tools to, to teachers, to administrators and to students alike to let them know that, yes, it's scary. And yes, it's something that, that at times we have to worry about. But there's a couple of things I wanna make sure that students and kids understand that as adults, we are doing everything we can to keep them safe. That making a plan in the event of an emergency is the adult's job. They still get to be kids. We have to worry about that.
And furthermore, that it's okay to be afraid. It's okay to feel fear or confusion. And to be worried when these lockdown drills are happening. That's completely normal. But also, we get to decide which emotions control us and which ones don't. We get to decide that.
We kind of can, can let the fear come in, but then instead of hanging onto that and dwelling on that, we let it pass through. Right? And we have different tools that we can use. We can, we can breathe in and out, like we're breathing. Like we're like we're blowing out candles on a birthday cake. We can notice things around us, like things that we can see and things that we can hear and things that we can touch so that it grounds us and reminds us okay, we're safe. The danger has passed. We can think on things like family vacations or playing with our friends in the backyard instead of dwelling on the scary things that could happen.
And so I think those are some of the tools that we get to use so that our emotions don't control us, but rather we control our emotions.
We get to choose that. And when we choose those emotions for ourselves, then we find safety within ourselves, regardless of what circumstances are happening around us.
Matthew: It’s important that we practice these drills because it is important that we learn and understand how to be safe.
But I really value that Crystal is also bringing up how to self-check and how to understand what may be going on in our bodies when we practice a lockdown drill or an active shooter drill.
Crystal: The fact of the matter is when we start to feel our heart racing and our hands shaking, and we start to, to sweat, you know, that's an indication that something traumatic is happening to us. And that happens to a lot of kids, even as they are experiencing a lockdown drill.
And, there are it's it's, it's known psychologically known that you can actually, by doing some of these things by practicing some of these things that, that are in the book, by thinking about memories or breathing or noticing things around you or saying a phrase to yourself over and over, these things can actually help, um, an event, something that you're going through to not register as traumatic.
So I think that's so fascinating that we know enough about the brain and body. We know enough about trauma, that, yes, it can be healed, but we can also in the moment we can kind of use those tools so that things don't begin to take shape and, and register as trauma for the rest of our lives.
Matthew: When we return, Crystal talks about her experience on April 20, 1999 in Columbine High School and shares a message to survivors. That’s coming up right after this break.
[BREAK]
Matthew: Welcome back to A Kids Book About: The Podcast. On today’s episode we’re talking about survivors and school shootings with A Kids Book About author Crystal Woodman Miller.
A warning before we go on. Crystal is going to share her personal experience with school shootings. She does not go into graphic detail, but the depiction of a real life event may be sensitive for some listeners.
If you need to take a break, speak to a grown up, or come back to this episode later, that is all absolutely okay. Listen to your body. Take care of yourself first.
I am here for you. And I will continue to be here whenever you return, or even if you don’t return.
On April 20, 1999 in Columbine, Colorado, two 12th grade students attending Columbine High School entered the building with weapons. This school shooting and attempted bombing resulted in the death of 15 individuals, including 12 students, 1 teacher, and both perpetrators. 24 others were injured. Crystal was in the library when the act of terror took place.
Crystal: You know, when I was in the library at Columbine high school, um, as the shooting was taking place, I was so confused. I, I, I had no idea what was actually happening. It was very disorienting, meaning I didn't know what was happening or where it was happening or who was doing it was very confusing. I’ve never been more afraid or scared in my life. My whole body was shaking. I was in shock.
I mean, even just moments after getting out of the library, I hadn't even begun to nor would I, for a very long time process, everything I had seen and heard and experienced, plus I would need a professional to help me kind of understand, and to walk through a lot of those emotions.
So it was really, I was numb. I was in shock. I didn't know how to feel or what to feel, but I will say that in the days after, I mean, I felt every kind of emotion you could ever imagine. I mean, emotions that I didn't even know existed, and I felt them with such intensity that even feeling those emotions were almost frightening. Like, “I don't know if I'm ever gonna not feel afraid. I don't know if I'm ever gonna not feel scared or worried or mad or bitter or confused.” It just felt so overwhelming in that, in, in those days, you know.
It was, and it, and it would, it would kind of ebb and flow. It would ki it felt like a rollercoaster ride that I was on and I've never felt so much grief in my life. I was so young and I had never experienced death. And then all of a sudden, at 16 years old, I was going to more funerals of my friends and my teacher than I could have ever imagined possible. I was walking through the memorials, trying to make sense of all of the cards and the teddy bears and the, and the well-wishes.
It was very, very hard to walk through as a young person, but I was surrounded with a lot of great people, a great family, a great church, um, a lot of people and a great counselor, a really good trauma therapist who understood, um, and helped me kind of make sense of those emotions.
And then really now, 23 years later, it is, um, I have more of an understanding of those emotions. And I will still see those emotions kind of come and go, especially when I'm activated by another shooting that takes place. But kind of, as I was talking about before, I have those tools, So that I can walk through those emotions.
I don't hide them. I don't push them away. I'm not uncomfortable with those emotions. I actually see when those emotions kind of start bubbling up, I see it as a spotlight and it's a gift it's telling me, “Okay, Crystal, we should probably focus on this emotion so that we can work through it in a healthy way.” And I face it and I confront it and I walk through it.
And so it's definitely a journey. It's something that stays with you for an, for, for a lifetime. But I think when you have people helping you and you have those tools, you know, that is, that is how we can then learn to manage those emotions and they're not managing us.
Matthew: When we experience trauma, our body holds onto it. Our body is constantly seeking to protect us, but sometimes the way it does that is by making us forever fearful of spaces and people that we associate with the trauma.
Crystal mentioned working with a therapist that specializes in trauma. She also named the people and communities that helped to support her throughout the past 23 years.
And that is something that I’d like for all listeners to focus on. We never need to be alone with our hurt, with our pain, with our trauma. Support is available and it’s important that we seek it out. That support may be more difficult to come by for some individuals or in some places, but it is important that we still seek it out.
Sometimes our emotions and our thoughts can overwhelm us. Sometimes people do things that are impossible to understand.
Crystal: I mean, I've come to a place where I have forgiven the shooters that, um, were at Columbine high school. Um, it took me some time to get there. But I actually have a, have a sense of almost compassion. Well, maybe I should say empathy. Uh, for the, for the two boys.
It's not excusable what they've done. It doesn't justify what they've done. But it makes me feel sad. It makes me feel sad that these two boys were hurting, that they were so desperate, that they concocted this plan, they made up this plan to come and hurt myself and my classmates.
And it's really hard to wrap my head around that because I didn't know them. I didn't do anything to deserve this. Nobody does nobody ever does anything to deserve something like this, but it does make me break for the people who are hurting that deeply in our world.
And so mine's always a message of, of, you know, tolerance of kindness, of respect. We need more of that in our world.
And I think because of technology, because of we're so disconnected, we need to connect again. We need to connect as people. We need to look people in the eyes. We need to know their story. You can't hate somebody if you know their story, if you know where they've come from. And so I think humanity needs to find connection once again. And I think that's a huge piece to this conversation.
Matthew: Before we go today, I wanted to give Crystal an opportunity to speak directly about these two books: A Kids Book About School Shootings and A Kids Book About School Shootings for Survivors.
Crystal: You know, I love both of these books. I think they're so special and they are more niche in the fact that, you know, school shootings are still rare, even though we practice lockdown drills, you know, but it's, but it's obviously an important conversation, a book I believe should be in every school in America.
But the, this, the book, A Kids Book About School Shootings for Survivor. Um, Jelani and I had actually talked about this book when we, when we first talked, we, he really saw two books as did I, um, because I really had this voice and this heart to speak to the general public, to teachers, administrators, adults, and kids. But then I also have such a heart for survivors like myself. It is such a unique, um, community that we have we're part of what I say.
We're part of a club that none of us wished or asked to be a part of, but in our club, I want them to know that they are not alone. I want them to know that there is hope and that there are tools. And so, the heart behind A Kids Book About School Shootings for Survivor really came out of just days after the shootings at, in Uvalde, Texas.
Our collective hearts as a nation, as a world were broken. And I know I was, we often look for a way to respond and we feel hopeless and we feel helpless, but this was kind of my, my way to put action, to put words around the, the heartache that I was feeling and that, that we were all feeling.
And so I wanted to speak directly to survivors. I wanted to tell them that they were brave. And they were courageous that when a shooter was in their school, they did everything that they were supposed to do and their body and their mind took over. And I wanted them to understand, and I want them still to understand that it's okay to feel the emotions that we talked about that's that survivor's guilt, you know, that, that they survived and their friends and their classmates and their teachers didn't. That it's okay to grieve and it's okay to remember them and to talk about them and, um, just really kind of tapping back into those initial days and weeks and months after the shootings at Columbine and how, how myself and my community felt.
And I wanted to speak directly to them in, in the midst of their grief, when they couldn't see light for themselves. I wanted, I wanted them to know, “Hey, I know you, you, you, you may not believe that there's hope, but I believe there's hope and I will believe it for you until you can believe it for yourself.”
I think that's one of my favorite lines in the book is just this idea of, “Hey, I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. I'm gonna link arms with you and I'm gonna speak directly to you so that you can know that there's hope and there's life on the other side, that this tragedy doesn't get to have the last say.”
Matthew: Thank you for your time spent walking through this topic with me, listeners. I know it wasn’t easy. I know that because these episodes weren’t easy to make. But I am grateful we talked about this. And I am grateful that we did it together.
For survivors… for all of you, Crystal leaves us with these closing words:
Crystal: What I am passionate about telling other survivors is that there is life on the other side. It feels impossible. It feels like you're, you're just gonna… it feels like you're broken. It feels like something's wrong with you, but that's not true that there is life and there's hope on the other side of an event, like a school shooting.
Crystal: I want kids to know that they are strong and they are resilient. And that using these tools empowers them. It gives them the power.
[CLOSING]
Matthew: Thank you to Crystal Woodman Miller, author of A Kids Book About School Shootings for Survivors, for joining us today. And special thanks to Avery for lending their voice to this episode.
Avery: Hi, my name is Avery I'm 16 years old and I live in Maryland.
Matthew: Special thanks, as well, to the Kids Listen community and, specifically, to Alli, Meredith, Jody, Mick, and Melissa for their support as I wrote this episode.
Want to be on a future episode of A Kids Book About: The Podcast? Write to me or record a message and email me at listen@akidsco.com.
A Kids Book About: The Podcast is written, edited, and produced by me, Matthew Winner, with help from Chad Michael Snavely and the team at Sound On Studios. Our executive producer is Jelani Memory.
And this show was brought to you by A Kids Co.
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