Jelani Memory, author and illustrator of A Little Book About Fear, talks about how fear is something we all face that can warn us and keep us safe and can also be something to overcome.
Jelani Memory, author and illustrator of A Little Book About Fear, talks about how fear is something we all face that can warn us and keep us safe and can also be something to overcome.
A Little Book About Fear (view book)
Full Book Description:
Everyone feels fear sometimes. This little book shines a light on the fear that keeps us from the things we love, honors the good things fear can teach us, and calls every kid to not let fear stand in the way!
About the Author:
Jelani Memory is a constantly curious writer, entrepreneur, and storyteller. He lives in his hometown of Portland, OR, with his wife and six kids.
*If you want to be on a future episode of A Kids Book About: The Podcast or if you have a question you’d like us to consider, have a grownup email us at listen@akidspodcastabout.com and we’ll send you the details.
A Kids Book About: The Podcast
S1 E024, Jelani Talks about Fear
[INTRODUCTION]
Matthew: What is fear?
Jelani: Yeah, fear’s... It's complicated because we all feel it so much so often that I think we forget what it is and what it looks like and what it feels like when it shows up. That can be, you know, that little sort of nervous energy before you go, you know, to an important event or have an important call or your first day of school.
It can also be that, you know, that thing you feel when you see a spider in the corner and you're wondering, “Is it poisonous? Is it going to move? Is it going to come bite me? Who's going to come kill this thing.” Right?
And then I think it can also be a worry about the future. What will happen when I grow up? Or what is it like to turn 40? Or will I still have this job? Or, you know, when I go to high school, will my friends still like me, right? Or do these pants look good on me? It's so many things.
And so I think fear is the feeling of being afraid and being unsure of what an outcome is and what might happen.
Matthew: Welcome to A Kids Book About: The Podcast! I’m Matthew. I’m a teacher, a librarian, and I’m your host.
Today we’re continuing our special series of episodes with the authors and illustrators of our A Little Book About series. We know that many of you listening have younger brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews, neighborhood friends and new-to-the-neighborhood faces. And while this series is intended for kids ages 0-4, we know that many, many of you are the ones who read to those young learners.
The topics we cover in the series are universal, which means they are things that anyone, no matter the age, can connect to. Things like family and activism and sharing.
So today, as we talk about the big things going on in your world, we’re doing so with an author illustrator from our A Little Book About series.
[MEET OUR GUEST]
Jelani: Hi, my name is Jelani Memory. I'm a husband. I'm a dad of six kids. And I, I love books. Books are like my favorite thing in the world.
And I just so happen to be the author of A Little Book About Fear.
Matthew: So you were my first guest on this show when we talked about A Kids Book About Racism and you come up, almost without fail, every single episode with all of these great authors who have connections to you. Uh, And we talked about racism and race is such a big thing. And yet somehow fear in this Little Book About feels even bigger.
So I'd love to ask you Jelani, what fear feels like to you.
Jelani: Yeah. You know, fear to me and I'll say a bunch of words that'll seem so obvious that they almost go without saying, but I think they must be said, which is fear is really scary. Fear disables you in a way where it's hard to think. It's hard to act. It's hard to do.
And, and fear.
Fear makes you doubt a lot, right? Can I do this? Will it work out if I do it? What happens if I don't do it? And so for me, I don't, I don't often feel afraid to be honest, but when I do, I know it immediately. Because it's such, it's so crushing. It's so defeating.
Um, and, and you brought up my other book, it's A Kids Book About Racism. I think racism has a lot to do with. It both is the fear of those who are sharing or expressing racist ideas. Um, that's where that often comes from is fear, fear of the unknown fear of the thing. They don't understand, um, fear of what might happen, but also, um, the result often in those who are having those racist ideas or attitudes or words, express to them, It creates fear.
Right? What's going to happen to me. What are they going to say next? Do they really believe that about me? Um, so yeah, that's, that's the best way that I can describe what it feels like to feel afraid.
Matthew: I think that's great. And I think that fear from my experience is not a feeling that I like, as you said, when it comes on, I know when I'm feeling afraid and I sort of do a self check.
Why am I feeling this way? And I try to check to make sure that I'm safe and that everything around me feels safe, but it makes me ask why, why do we feel fear? Do you know Jelani? Do you have an idea of why we feel fear?
Jelani: Well, I won't get all evolutionary biology on you, but, um, fear does help in a number of ways.
It keeps us safe. When I, when I was backpacking through the wilderness in central Oregon and my friend, and I saw a rattlesnake and it rattled its tail, we felt fear. And that was good. This is the good kind of fear. It's the kind of fear that keeps you safe. It's kind of fear that says don't walk up to the rattlesnake and pet it.
Right. Um, and so that's healthy. The problem comes when a friend. Doesn't text us back right of the way. Right. And we feel afraid. We feel fear wondering they don't like me anymore. Are they mad at me? Did I say something wrong? And we started to hatching the unknown that, that void, that fearful place to things that it should and shouldn't belong to.
Um, and so I think part of growing up part of maturing, Is letting yourself be afraid when it is good. And when it's healthy and letting that be a positive experience, right. Not getting bit by their house snake and knowing when to let fear go when to not embrace it when to cast it aside. And that's, that's, that's a tough thing, but I think it's a, it's a muscle that we can flex and get better at over time.
Um, If we teach ourselves how to do it so that we become just a little less afraid when that text doesn't come through right away, because we tell ourselves maybe they're having a bad day. Maybe they're not available. Maybe they're asleep and it's not about me. And that's okay. Right. Uh, and that self-talk that teaching ourselves takes away the fear.
And then when the outcome happens, when we get to that future, And they aren't mad at us. It's all good. Right? The thing didn't break, then we go, oh yeah, that's good. Like, I didn't feel fear and it turned out. Okay. Right. Um, yeah.
Matthew: I know those feelings, those reinforcing feelings. I'm okay. I got through that was their strength giving feelings.
I know that. I wonder for you because fear is something we experience from before. We can even remember babies feel fear and the people that are listening to this podcast may have babies in their life may have younger siblings. Uh, I'm sure. Almost without a doubt, still experience fear, whoever. Is listening no matter what age.
So I wonder, as you were thinking about making this book Jelani, what it was like for you to create a book for our youngest readers.
Jelani: Yeah, I think for me it was, it was really around the idea of starting early for the most fundamental and important conversations and fears fundamental. It's something we experience from, from birth to death and it looks different and feels different, but yet it's still the same thing.
And for me to explore it in my book was really about getting down to what is it, how does it work? How can it be useful? And. How could it get in the way of our happiness? How can it hijack us if you will? And I tried to do that, you know, getting to illustrate the book as well through line and shape and, and, uh, and I employ just, you know, black and white as, as this sort of colors and it's, um, I don't know, it was fascinating to, to navigate it and explore it.
And I think what I'm really happy about and proud of with my book, Is that I think, you know, and I've watched this, you can read it with a toddler and their eyes automatically go to the stark contrast of the shapes and the objects. And, and look, they don't have to pick it all up. Right. That's not the point of it necessarily, but I know the adult is there.
And since fear is so universal, no matter what the age is, is they have to think about their own fears. Right? What fears are useful and which ones are not so useful, which ones get in the way of them being able to be happy, being able to be fulfilled. And, and the activity of having that happen with a often parent and child is really powerful because fear is often so related with.
Raising a child, right. With, um, helping a little life grow up, you know, uh, I remember my son, you know, just watching him in his crib, just like watching him breathe, just going, like keep, keep breathing, you know? Um, and then, you know, maturely before he was born, um, You know, my wife, uh, you know, had a few false starts with labor way too early.
We're talking 20 weeks, 21 weeks. Um, and, and feeling fear like, am I, am I ever going to get to have a son? Um, is he ever going to make it, um, past just, you know, being born? Um, uh, so all that to say, I think, um, it was, it was. An amazing experience and I hope it's useful. I hope it's useful for, for the kid, right.
I was zero to four or, or for that parent who's there who maybe is just starting to think about their own fears.
Matthew: Yeah. Do you have a favorite spread in the book? Jelani? I have a favorite spread. I'll tell you after.
Jelani: So this one is really easy and it's the one I agonized over the most. And yet it seems almost the simplest.
Um, it's, it's the one with all the sort of, um, squiggly lines. It says fear is like a little voice inside you that tells you something bad might happen. Um, And, and I, I tried to express that idea of navigating all those voices in your head. Um, and it just looks like, you know, uh, black cran scribbled on the page, but I, but I think it came off quite beautiful.
Matthew: I love you share later, uh, or petting a puppy because you're afraid it might lick you. And our family, I don't know that you and I have ever talked about our family having so many food allergies and also allergies to animals. In fact, an allergy that, that made us have to make the easy decision ultimately to rehome our dog, because our newborn son was allergic to our dog and our daughter is also now allergic to pets as well.
Um, and we were dog sitting this weekend. Um, and I always think about. When you have a fear of something, it makes it look completely different to you than it does to other people. And that becomes a really interesting thing to be able to think of how, if someone else is afraid of this, I wonder what they're seeing and how I can help them with what they're seeing.
Anyway, I think he made a beautiful book, Jelani. I'm really proud of you in making this book and the way that you share. Uh, what fear is and how we might confront it or be in relationship to it. And this book. Thanks for doing it.
Jelani: Yeah, well, thanks for the kind words. And, um, it was really a treat to work on.
Um, and, and Hey look, my first authored and illustrated book,
Matthew: I think that's, that's, that's something to maybe be a little afraid of, but also know you got through it. You did it. So Hey, to close our time together. I'd love to know if there's a message about fear that you'd like to leave with our listeners.
You want to share with them just to final thought with them.
Jelani: Yeah. Um, it's that you don't have to feel afraid every time you feel afraid. Sometimes you get to choose not every time, but sometimes you get to choose by looking into the future and saying, instead of what, if something bad, what if something good? What if something great.
What if something amazing and talk yourself into a place where you're no longer afraid about that future, but you're maybe a little bit excited.
[FULL READ THROUGH]
Matthew: And now, read to you in its entirety, here is A Little Book About Fear by Jelani Memory.
Jelani: A Little Book About Fear by Jelani Memory.
Have you ever felt afraid?
Sometimes fear can feel like a little voice inside you that tells you something bad might happen.
Other times it's a big, loud voice telling you that you're in danger, feeling afraid can be scary. But it can also be really good because fear can help keep you safe. Like when something is hot and you're afraid you might get burned if you touch it.
But fear can also keep you away from something important to you, like singing your favorite song because you're afraid someone will think it's silly. Or petting a puppy because you're afraid it might lick you.
Fear is meant to help you and keep you safe. That's good. But don't let feeling afraid. Keep you from exploring, discovering, and doing what you love.
The End.
[CLOSING]
Matthew: Thank you to Jelani Memory, author illustrator of A Little Book About Fear, for joining us today. You can learn more about this book and others like it by visiting akidsbookabout.com.
A Kids Book About: The Podcast is written, edited, and produced by me, Matthew Winner, with help from Chad Michael Snavely and the team at Sound On Studios. Our executive producer is Jelani Memory. And this show was brought to you by A Kids Podcast About.
Follow the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, and wherever podcasts are found, and if you liked this episode, consider sharing it with a friend, teacher, or grownup.
Join us next week for a conversation about Family with Stephen Green and Edmund Holmes, author and illustrator of A Little Book About Family.