Joy Cho, author of A Kids Book About Confidence, talks about believing in yourself, learning karate, and supporting others in their confidence.
Joy Cho, author of A Kids Book About Confidence, talks about believing in yourself, learning karate, and supporting others in their confidence.
A Kids Book About Confidence (view book)
Full Book Description:
How confident do you feel today? Maybe a lot, maybe a little, or maybe you don't know what that word means! However you feel, this book is for you! One look inside will help kids (and their grownups) understand what confidence is, where it comes from, and how to build their confidence little by little to achieve their dreams.
About the Author:
Joy Cho is an Asian American designer and creative director. She lives in Los Angeles with her husband and two daughters.
*If you want to be on a future episode of A Kids Book About: The Podcast or if you have a question you’d like us to consider, have a grownup email us at listen@akidsco.com and we’ll send you the details.
A Kids Book About: The Podcast
S2 EP17, Joy Talks About Confidence
[INTRODUCTION]
Matthew: What is confidence?
Coco: Um, You know that feeling like when you, when you like made a mistake on something, like, for example, sometimes when I'm like an art class and I make a mistake, I keep it having to have a erase stuff, but I keep on trying again that's kind of like confidence.
Joy: Confidence is believing in yourself and the things you can do. It's also not worrying about what everybody thinks about you and really focusing on what you want to do with yourself, with your life and with the people in your life.
Matthew: Welcome to A Kids Book About: The Podcast! I’m Matthew. I’m a teacher, a librarian, and I’m your host. The voices you heard just a moment ago were from Coco and Joy.
Each week we talk about the big things going on in your world with a different author from our A Kids Book About series.
Joy: Great. Hi, my name is Joy Cho. I am a designer. I'm a mother. I am a wife. I am a lover of color, an avid tennis player, a second degree black belt, and I am the author of A Kid's Book About Confidence.
[TOPIC FOUNDATION]
Matthew: Listeners, I have no doubt that you’re familiar with today’s topic. Confidence looks a little different from one person to another, but it’s also something that you can see in others. Take Joy, for example.
Joy: I know when I feel confident, I have a smile on my face. I'm standing tall, I'm excited to go out and do things in the world. And I just generally feel good about myself.
Matthew: Now, this is not to say that we’ve all got this giant well of confidence in us that we reach into day after day.
Joy: I mean, that's a thing. Confidence is changing every day. It's so different than a lot of other feelings or qualities that we might have in ourselves, because the thing is, is you could be a hundred percent confident one day.
And the next day, you might not be as confident and it can change depending on if you're feeling confident in general. Or if it's about certain things in your life. And I think that's one thing that's really important to know whether it's kids or parents or grownups.
Every day is changing for us. And I think the goal is to learn tools, how to make ourselves feel more confident when we're not feeling like that.
And also to know that it's okay if we have some days that we're not, you know, we're not feeling our best.
Matthew: Maybe you’ve noticed that being around certain friends can be a boost to your confidence.
And, on the other side, maybe there are a handful of folks who, unfortunately, drain your confidence or make you feel self-conscious.
Joy: Well, here's the thing. It is great to be surrounded by people who believe in you. You know, whether that's your friends, your family, grownups teachers, you want positive people in your life, and you don't want people in your life who aren't nice or who are going to criticize you. Like, that's definitely something to keep in mind.
However, to have real confidence and for it to really grow, you have to believe in yourself. And you have to worry less and less about what other people think, which I know is very hard because I've spent my whole life doing it. And I still spend every day doing that, trying not to worry or think about what other people think of me. But that's definitely a big part of confidence too, is focusing on how you feel about something versus what someone else feels about that particular thing.
Matthew: I used the word “self-conscious” a moment ago, but maybe a better word to pair with confidence is insecurity.
Joy: I mean, they're pretty much tied to one another. I mean, they're almost like opposites of each other.
If we feel insecure about something, that's meaning, usually ,that we don't have confidence in it. Whether it's a skill, whether it's a relationship, whether it's the way we go about doing something. So to me, they're very tied.
As your confidence grows, your insecurity will get lessened and then if your insecurity grows your confidence lessens.
Matthew: Let’s do a quick self-check. I want you to think about a time when you had confidence in yourself. It can be recently, or it can be something you remember. Picture yourself in your mind. Try to put yourself back in that moment.
How does having confidence make you feel?
Coco: Um, I don't really know exactly though. Yeah don't really know.
Grownup: Okay. Do you know what it feels like when you're not confident?
Coco: Well, if you're not confident and you just want to give up, there's not really like fun or anything.
Grownup: Yeah, that's true.
Joy: Having confidence in something in my life makes me feel like I can go out and do anything. And I think that's, that's why confidence to me is so important because it's not only about me feeling like I can do that one thing or have a great, uh, connection with one person in a certain way. But it's about feeling great about something, anything that's important to us and going out and feeling like we could apply that feeling to so many other parts of our life and continue to spread that feeling in many areas of our life, which means we can go out and feel like we can accomplish anything.
Matthew: “If you’re not confident, you just want to give up.” That is such great insight, Coco.
It reminds me of a passage from A Kids Book About Confidence, where Joy writes, “You lose confidence when you care too much about what other people think. And you can gain confidence when other people believe in you.”
Joy: Yeah, so… I mean… For sure, supportive people who are on your team are going to help you. You know, whether that's your parents who encourage you to try new things or your friends who, when you're feeling down are there to lift you up and give you a hug.
But it's also, you can't rely only on other people. You have to also grow yourself and take it upon yourself to learn things and to figure things out and even just brainstorm different ways of things that would help you feel more confident about yourself.
So it is a balance, you know? It's a balance where we know that other people are beneficial for us, other people, and their positivity are beneficial for us, but we can not only have that.
We also need it in us. Inside ourselves, also.
Matthew: We will be back in a minute with Joy Cho and a memory of building confidence through taking karate classes. All of that, right after this quick break.
[BREAK]
Matthew: Welcome back to A Kids Book About: The Podcast. On today’s episode we’re talking about confidence with A Kids Book About author Joy Cho.
Finding your confidence can take some exploring, some trying new things, and maybe even getting a bit uncomfortable.
[PERSONAL CONNECTION TO TOPIC]
Joy: So for me, there's, there's a bunch of different ways to gain confidence. But one thing that I think really helps is thinking about what it is you're not feeling confident about. Does it have to do with, you know, do you feel shy in front of friends? Is there some sort of skill that you wish you were better at? And then going after, how do I learn more about that thing? Or how do I practice it or how do I get a chance to practice it?
So, in my case, I was in third grade, I was very shy. I moved to a new neighborhood. I didn't talk to a lot of kids. And I just knew, you know, for several years I was really lacking confidence.
And by the time I was in middle school, I still was kind of like that. And I kind of went and proactively asked my parents, if I could start taking karate lessons. It was something I thought was really cool, but I was always too nervous to do it. And so when they finally said that I could, it was sort of the beginning of me trying something new, learning about it, getting better and better and better. And then eventually by the time I was in college, I got my second degree black belt.
And, you know, that's over a very long, a very long time, but, that gradual progression of not only physically getting stronger through karate, but also getting better at something and seeing my progress built my confidence over time.
Again, confidence is not overnight. It's not going to be a switch that you can flip on or off. And so that's like very, you know, an example for you. It doesn't have to be something that's stretched out over several years. It could be something for sure that's, “Hey, I took a drawing class and now I know how to draw better.” Or, “I took a dance class and now I know how to dance better.”
And I just find that it feels so empowering when you learn a new skill or you overcome a fear or something that wanted to try. And you, you kind of went and figured out a way to do it, even if it's going to YouTube and finding cool video.
So that's, that's my, you know, that's one of my examples and obviously there's so many that we're all going to have in our life. But, um, giving your chance of giving yourself a chance to be able to learn and grow, and that is really a great tool for increasing self-confidence.
Matthew: I love that you’ve been getting to know Joy through this conversation. But your grownups might actually already know her from her brand and her social media presence, which, by the way, uses the very best name: Oh Joy.
Here’s how Joy came to be connected with A Kids Co:
Joy: Yeah, well, you know, I can't remember… probably a couple of years ago, it was probably 2020 or so, um, I had discovered a kids book about series for the first time I was heavily talking about them on my own social media. I was buying them. I was reading them to my kids and, you know, just a very big fan of the brand.
And so Jelani had reached out to me and out of our mutual passion for obviously informing kids and teaching kids. And we started talking and, you know, it got to the point of, you know, what would be a great book to work on together. And we, I sort of talked about a few things that were important to me that, um, are sort of part of my mission with my brand.
And even though my audience, isn't just kids, it's also adults, it's probably the grownups that have the kids, confidence is an underlying quality of all the things that I do in terms of how I want to teach you fun tips or show you how to dress colorfully, or show you how to decorate your home. Really, ultimately it all ties back to confidence.
If I can teach you how to do these things in ways that make you happy in ways that make you feel like, you know, you can do them yourself, that gives you more confidence in your own life.
I also am an entrepreneur for 17 years. So I teach a lot of business skills and tips. And if that it helps you either start a business, grow your business, do something in your job that makes you more happy, cause I mean, ultimately when you become a grownup and you spend a lot of time working to have a job that makes you happy is really one of the most important things, I think.
And so again, confidence comes into play there too.
The confidence to find something that you love, the confidence to go after a job that you love, the confidence to go out and be your best person doing that particular job or career.
I've written many books actually, but writing this book is a completely different process than any other in a very cool way. And so it was really fun.
And I'm so glad that it's out now and that kids and their grownups get to read it and learn from it. And hopefully it's a book that, you know, when you're feeling a little bit down or unsure and you need that reminder, you have it there on your bookshelf too, to take a look at it again. And, and my tips will remind you, different things that you can do to help with your confidence.
Matthew: Joy shared some great advice on how we can help to support our friends and also how we can protect our confidence by avoiding comparison. I’ll get to that in just a moment.
But first, Joy had a message to share with any grownups that might be listening. Myself included.
Joy: You know, parents, you can certainly tell your kids, “You're amazing. You're the best. Oh my gosh. You're the best kid ever.”
I mean, you might feel that way and I'm sure your kid is great, but just giving endless praise is not going to be the solution, right? Because your child needs to feel that themselves, they need to have figured that out also. They need to have gone through the progression of growing, to feel that real, genuine feeling of confidence about something.
So help to guide them and be a positive influence, obviously any resources you can help them with, or you have friends who know about a particular topic who can chat with them. Great. But let your child also go along with the discovery process of growing and they will be much more confident in the process.
Matthew: Yep. We grownups want to make sure you feel loved and supported, but we also need to remember that confidence-building comes from doing things independently. It comes from trying and failing and trying again. It comes from and comes through discovery.
So, as we close our time together, I want all of us to remember to focus inward on our strengths and on our joy and on the things we can do and also on the things we’re still learning.
And, with that in place, Joy offers these final thoughts on being a support to others.
Joy: I think that if you see a friend or a family member who's feeling low about something, number one is to recognize that. You know, I think sometimes we have some friends who internalize things or get quiet when we're not feeling so great, but you start to get to know your friend's behavior. If someone's acting a little bit more quiet than usual, or maybe a little grouchy than usual, check-in. “How are you? Are you okay? Is there something that's bothering you? Do you want to talk about it?” You know, and it gives them a chance to open up if they want to.
And then if you see, and if somebody sort of confides in you, “You know what I'm feeling, I'm feeling like I'm not that good at this or I'm feeling like so-and-so was better than me at this.” That happens a lot. Comparison.
So comparison happens a lot, especially when we're, when we're kids, but even when we're grown ups too, where you see someone else who is good at something you want to be good at. And it makes you feel bad or less confident because you're not as good as them. And that is called jealousy. And that's an okay feeling to have. It's very normal and it happens to all of us.
However, when you feel that feeling, it doesn't feel good. We all know it. Nobody wants to feel jealous because it doesn't make us feel great. But, recognize that feeling and think about how can we turn that feeling into something good.
We can feel happiness for that person that they're really great at that particular thing. And then we can use that as inspiration to say, “How can I be that too? Or how can I be that in my own way?”
The goal is not for you to be like somebody else. The goal is for you to be you, right? But if you get inspired by somebody and their goals and the things that they've accomplished, maybe they won a trophy in something, or they're really good at spelling, or they're really great at math, and you feel jealous, turn that feeling into inspiration for yourself and think about what it is that you want to get confident in, you know, and what we've talked about previously.
So, basically back to if you're a friend and you're recognizing that in your friend or a family member, you're seeing somebody struggling with that, keep that in mind for them and help encourage them and inspire them to be able to see, like, “Hey, these are the things that you're I see in you. These are the things that make you special. These are the things that you're really good at. How else can we grow that. How can I help you grow that? Or how can I brainstorm with you to help you grow that?”
And I think that's what it is because you, as a friend, as an outside person, can't fix the feelings of somebody else. You can't do that. It's not your job. But you can help to guide them.
[CLOSING]
Matthew: Thank you to Joy Cho, author of A Kids Book About Confidence, for joining us today. And special thanks to Coco for lending their voice to this episode.
Coco: My name is Coco and I am seven years old and I live in California. My mom is the author of A Kids Book About Confidence.
Matthew: Want to be on a future episode of A Kids Book About: The Podcast? Write to me or record a message and email me at listen@akidsco.com.
A Kids Book About: The Podcast is written, edited, and produced by me, Matthew Winner, with help from Chad Michael Snavely and the team at Sound On Studios. Our executive producer is Jelani Memory. And this show was brought to you by A Kids Podcast About.
Follow the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever podcasts are found and check out other podcasts made for kids just like you by visiting akidsco.com.
Join us next week for a conversation about banned books with A Kids Book About author Nora Pelizzari.